His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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