You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she peed on how many people?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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