my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I believe in your delicious
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
