Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
