just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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