Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
