It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
