I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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