Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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