oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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