3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
