Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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