so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
