so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My vagina just clenched in fear
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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