dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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