I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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