I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
