So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
