Yo dont text me then not text me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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