wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
