Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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