I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
