since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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