That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
