I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
