piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
