I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
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