i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
