I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
only you would photoshop your dick
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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