whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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