Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
