Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
