the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
