you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
