My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
