Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
