i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
