dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
