That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
