he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
