I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
