Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
