i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
