Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
