bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You pole danced in your parka.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
