at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
