I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
