I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
