its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Houston, we have a blender
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
