Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
