So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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